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Pouring My Art Out

I want to break the all-time record for the most comments on a WordPress blog post.

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Okay, some of you will see this as a shallow attempt on my part to bump up my stats.

And I’m not saying you are wrong.

But here’s the thing… oh, thing, I missed you, where have you been?

I have always said that I have the best commenters on WordPress. I have two posts that have over 1,000 comments on them… True, half of those are my return answers to comments, because I always answer my comments, but still… And I will even go so far as to admit that my comment sections… OUR comment sections… are sometimes the funniest part of my posts. Are you happy now?

But this all has me wondering what the record for number of comments on one post actually is. I want to see…

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Interview #3

liar

“Tell me about yourself” asked another interviewer

“See I am jobless for last 2 years. No reason in particular just that I didn’t feel like working. Now that I am planning a child I thought it would be in good interest to get back to a job.” I replied in its entire entirety.

“Ookay. How long are you married?” he asked. This seems like an organization that had no problem with children.

“Well I am not yet. But I am planning to.” I said

“Engaged huh” He said with a wink.

“Yes hopefully before the marriage.” I rolled back to my 9 yards plan desperately hoping that he’ll not ask where I wanted to see myself 5 years from now.

You see, I am not a good liar. Also because highs and lies somehow are not the best of pals. I stick to truth cos chances are in moments to come I’ll forget all that I had cooked. One thing I have understood over the years is that liar truly needs a good memory and mine is quite selective.

Besides I don’t get why ask such questions anyways? Who, I mean who gives an honest answer … its like being asked “are you cheating on me and tell me the truth” … yeah sure as if there’s a righ answer to that.

“So where do u see yourself 5 years from now?” he asked breaking my trail of thought.

Interview 2

interview1

“Where do u see yourself 5 years from now?” asked another guy in another interview.

“Parent of at least a 4 year old child” I replied proudly.

“Oookay. So where do u live?” asked the man after staring at me, my resume and the wall painting for a while.

“In the outskirts sir” I replied politely.

“Oh well but we don’t send transport there” He replied.

“No problem I have my own vehicle. I can travel on my own” I offered a generous solution

“Oh well. Company policy. We are responsible for the safety of our employees and we only hire those we can send transport to.” He said as he placed my resume neatly in a large file.

It didn’t sound like much of a reason, I think the company just was against babies.

Interview #1

Marital Status

“Why do think we should hire you?” asked the HR lady.

“Well I want a child for that I need a sperm, to get sperm I need a man and to meet a man I need a job.” I said. (RTC previous story, No greater…)

For some reason honesty is not always appreciated. I, for some reason, was not short listed. “You are over qualified for this job, ” the lady explained later when I insisted that I need an explanation. Clearly she didn’t know me well, off all the problems that I had towards my work attitude I never thought this would ever be the one.

But then that was not the only company in the world and I decided to keep looking.

Influential!

homer

“Are you under influence?” asked the cop.

“Under whose influence?” I asked for clarification.

“Alcohol!” he yelled.

“Huh, cops truly should be taught to behave properly,” I thought.

“Of course not. What makes you say that” I retorted at the offense. I was about to be a parent, how irresponsible he thought I was. May be he doesn’t have babies or maybe not as well planned as mine was gonna be. I thought.

“Well difficult” he said “but your driving gave away little bit” I sense a bit of sarcasm but ignored it anyways.

“Well I am safe driver” I said and proudly mirrored that thought within. Stoned and drunk are two different things. For lack of any better cop only ask about alcohol. And alcohol I didn’t.

Baby Boom!

visits

“Get married and have a child” yelled my mother and went on with Biological clock and what not, can’t see a grandfather’s clock without her bottle glasses on but this she knows.

“You don’t have to be married to have babies.” I declared to my mom who fainted half way through my sentence. I wanted to add “in china”, but she was out cold somewhere around the Thailand border J.  “No turning back now” I gathered.

Well I am a firm believer that no problems big enough if you just choose to turn your head the other way. And so I decided to put the same to test here as well and turned my head away. Big mistake, by the way with Moms.

Anyways “cleared the most difficult hurdle” I savored in my genius. After all if I was to fulfill my mom’s dying wish of a child then it all somehow made sense, one gone, one to arrive, at least I am not adding to Al Gore’s problems. I was busy contemplating as I felt a thud on my head.

“What?” … “Are you back … from the dead? It’s a miracle.” I blurted seeing my mother hail and hearty standing right by me.

My mom had often said never turn your back on the dead, may be that’s why. You’ll lose. Lose the chance of losing them. I think the belief is that if you keep on staring at them they’ll be too afraid to rise, eventually perishing. I think bankers came up with that.

Anyways.

“What? What are you talking about?” Yelled my mom. Actually my mom seldom yelled, its just that she naturally spoke in higher decibel.

My mother is hard of hearing and hates wearing a hearing aid. “Makes me look old” she complains. Well in her sixties, I always wished she was a car. Anyways so old and hard of hearing, telephone conversation with my mother could be simply termed as irrelevant. Not that in person is much revelation either.

“Weren’t you dead?” I inquired sincerely

“No you idiot” She yelled as she laid another one on me.

Damn. Not even planned and already fainting the mom, I was beginning to feel a bond with the baby. And thus began my baby planning. After all I am not irresponsible, at worse can be considered as under the influence.