“To err is human, to forgive is not company policy” I had read somewhere. Workplaces can be crazy confusing, there’s an eternal fight of whether or not to be ethical. For that matter, ethics and company policies are often 2 very different things.
I have been working for a few years, and like many was cowed down by boredom, dissatisfaction and confusions. Meaning of cycle of life and death, god, spirituality kinda stuff haunted me ever since. So after ignoring it for years I finally decided to set out in search of self and god. A la eat, pray, love except there’s no eating, praying & loving remained limited to thy neighbor only.
Another thing, I didn’t have all life, there’s only so long I could devote to the divine quest, I have EMIs. Personally I feel I should be considered a gift of sorts to humanity and should be paid for simply living and breathing but my bankers seem to differ. It takes only so long for bills to pile up and “savings” I’ve begun to understand is a myth. It does not exist.
So I needed to assign a “deadline”.
Now the problem with me and deadline is that whenever faced with one I automatically switch into what I think is medically known as “panic”. There are some people who work better under pressure, I am clearly not some. So basically I needed to devise a Fast Food recipe to divine bliss.
First Step: Informing Mom
In any culture and by any standard, this is not an easy conversation to have. To tell your mom why you want to leave a job that surprisingly pays for what you not do while you are already struggling to find another reason why “this is not the right time” for you to marry.
“Search and you shall seek” growing up my mother had often imparted this wisdom while I was tearing up the house, looking for TV remote etc.
On top of it, I would like to say I am the types, that believe all that comes out of my mommy, as she obviously is the all pervasive form of god – or at least so I was lead to believe by popular consciousness and a very healthy dose of hindi cinema. After all Maa (mother) was the resting argument over bangla, gaadi and bank balance*.
(*A very popular dialogue from the most successful Hindi Film ever called “Sholay”)
There was just one little problem, my mother did not quite endorse my endeavor and promptly changed her stance to “Why search, IT is everywhere”. Apparently she had made neat little plans about me and I was ruining it for her.
Next Step, Gathering Moral Support: The Big Brother
“How many of those things are you smoking in a day?” asked my brother when I told him about my divine plans. On hindsight I don’t think he took me seriously.
“No no, this has got nothing to do with that. These questions have haunted me ever since. Ever since!” I emphasized
“Hmm. When was ever since?” now my brother is someone I had always counted on for spiritual, religious type dilemmas. He was my first guru and I still consulted him. His opinions mattered.
“If you don’t wanna help, its okay. I don’t expect you to understand.” I barked as I rested my argument unable to hide my genuine disappointment.
“Okay, bol, what are you planning” asked my brother again realizing that this phase may also last a while like the guitar one.
“I don’t know. What do you suggest?” I was open for ideas, god speaks in many ways, I had thought.
“I think god is in life but then if it is truly indestructible then it is in plastic” he smirked “but religion is the obvious place to look.” He added rather seriously.
Hmm Religion! And the journey began – Some truly happened whereas others were planned too extensively to ever happen.